How do I write my wedding vows?
A question I am asked at every wedding meeting is how do I write and deliver my wedding vows?
As an experienced wedding celebrant here are some tips to help you.
When do I say my wedding vows?
After the ‘I Do’s’ and before exchanging rings is when you each say your legal vows to one another. This is where I suggest adding your own personal wedding promises/vows. This part of the wedding ceremony is when you lock in with each other on a deeply personal level; it can be very emotional and at times a tear of love is shed (not just by the wedding couple).
At our wedding meetings leading up to your wedding, we discuss how to write meaningful vows and I send my couples a comprehensive guide to writing their own vows which is filled with tips and many samples to support and assist them.
I ask my couples to speak in raw terms of their love for one another; what do they love about each other, how that special person brings out the best in them. Take a quiet moment to think about what is special and unique about the person you love, what makes them so precious to you and how do they make you feel? How have they changed/enriched your life? Then think about what you will promise to them in your lives ahead.
It is honesty and vulnerability in the moment you articulate your vows which creates the magic on your wedding day; two people making realistic promises that strengthen them and project them forward to flourish (as a couple and in their own right).
Your promises are for each other
This is not a performance, imagine it is just the two of you standing alone together. These are promises between the two of you, not you and your witnesses and guests. Don’t feel you have to be funny or entertaining, you don’t want to lose the true purpose of your vows which are personal promises between the two of you. Stay true to who you are.
The goal of writing something truly meaningful and honest should be viewed as an opportunity to shape a moment which will linger in time. It’s yet another way to strengthen your relationship in the lead up to your wedding day.
How long should my vows be?
There is no word limit but write with precision. What are the five most important things you want to say? As a guideline I would suggest 200 words is about perfect and 400 words the absolute maximum. If they are too long the power of the promises is diluted. Keep your promises focussed on each other.
Include Real Promises
Vows are a serious, lifelong commitment that you’re making in front of (sometimes) many witnesses. In addition to raw, personal moments, make sure to share realistic promises that you'll continuously uphold throughout your marriage. You can always add simple, more light-hearted ones which are on a more day to day level which can make your partner relax and smile.
Embrace romance
If the message feels true to you, don't worry if it seems sentimental or soppy. In the moment of your wedding, it will be perfect.
I provide the final printed vows
My couples can relax once they have sent me their final vows (sometimes we go back and forth a few times until they are ‘just right’. I print them onto beautiful vow cards and hand them to the couple at the right time. Never pull out a piece of folded paper, after all the planning and preparation for your wedding day, it just looks scrappy.
Keep your copy in a safe place
Sometimes couples write their personal vows secretly and don’t show one another until their wedding day. Other couples write them together and repeat the same words. Some couples read them to one another before the wedding, so they are not overwhelmed with emotion on the day. Tailoring the experience to each couple’s individual personality helps to make their wedding day perfect for them.
No two couples are alike so each must be crafted according to the vision of the couple and what makes them comfortable and happy. Some couples who are very private prefer to use only the legal wording and personal vows are written and shared with each other after the ceremony.
Final advice – practise your vows
On your wedding day you can be a little overwhelmed. To avoid this, it’s important to practise reading your wedding vows aloud, yes, you heard it, aloud, several times actually. That way you can put your heart into delivering your vows on the day. If you have a dog, cat or other animal companion, they make a great audience and don’t tire of hearing the same words over again. You may have a family member or friend who you can rehearse in front of; remember to speak slowly and pause to look up or for emphasis. I guarantee it will make a huge difference to your confidence and vow delivery on your wedding day.
Julie Butt – Wedding Celebrant
About Julie
Julie is a wedding and funeral celebrant based in East Gippsland on the Gippsland Lakes. She services a wide area including Maffra, Sale, Stratford, Bairnsdale, Eagle Point, Wattle Point, Lakes Entrance, Lake Tyers, Dinner Plain, Dandenong Ranges, Yarra Valley and inner-city Melbourne.
She is passionate about delivering exceptional individualised client service. Julie is an inclusive celebrant and loves working with all couples who are ‘in love’.
She acknowledges the Gunaikurnai as the traditional owners of the land and water on which she lives and works and she pays respect to their elders past, present and emerging.